Doctor Visit - 8 weeks and 2 days

So moving past week 8 and into my new doctor's office.  The specialist has kicked me out.  We conceived naturally and I'm not high risk.  Yay for finally being normal (kinda).  From blob to snowman, the little one is shaping into the most beautiful baby in the world.  Healthy is the key word and we heard it.  It felt so good to know that things are going well.  Still praying, but much more hopeful at this point.

Photos 7 weeks and 5 days

So, yeah, I'm going to be as big as a house!

Doctor Visit - 6 weeks and 6 days

Finally today arrived.  I was so nervous going into this appointment.  I wanted desperately to hear things were going well, but I could not have been prepared for things to go this well.  The baby is developing and they measured the baby at 6 weeks and 6 days.  This is a little further than they suspected last time.  Due date is projected to be September 14th.  I would guess a few days earlier than that, but time will tell.  

Then in the doctor's routine, he turned on the monitors and we heard the most beautiful beating heart you could ever have hoped for.  Finally I stopped the doctor's chatter to listen.  I asked him if that was my baby's heart beat.  My baby was alive and healthy and the heart was flickering away and the monitors read a strong heart beat pulsing away.  Relief and thankfulness filled me.  Andy is still in awe when he talks about it.  It's truly amazing.  

After the exam, we were informed that since my body is working on it's own that we no longer need to be with a specialist.  The doctor fully anticipates a healthy pregnancy and we are taking a referral to a regular OB in a little more than a week.  

Food...

I've got a little more than 24 hours until my appointment tomorrow.  I'm so curious and at the same time, scared to death.  I feel good.  I'm exhausted, but I feel good.  My cravings are so weird right now.  I wanted the veggies and rice earlier (of course with a pot pie thrown in for good measure).  Now it's just down to potatoes, cupcakes from The Cup and black cherry ice cream from Crown Candy.  Mashed potatoes, biscuits, juice with grape in it and sour cream potato chips are the current favorites.  This was scaring me as it's the same pattern as before, but I just found out that I'm not alone.  Kinda funny if you ask me.  I'm trying to fill the time and to stay positive.  My belly is starting to poke out a bit.  I want to be excited, but right now I'm just telling this baby to grow up and be strong!  And beyond that I'm trying to keep it together.  And for now I'm headed to KFC for some mashed potatoes...

Fearful

Today is a rough day.  I just feel off.  I hate this. I want to be positive.  But, I'm just not feeling it.  I'm just petrified that on Tuesday we will again begin the cycle from last time.  I'm just not prepared for that.  In my heart I know that God has control and that He will complete His work that He has begun.  I just wish I knew what He was working on.  I'm just scared today.  As much as I've tried to not get ahead of myself, I've not braced for the worst.  Now the cramping has started, cravings are changing and I never had a normal pregnancy to know what a normal pregnancy is like.  

I know that God can provide when the room is empty and out of our nothing He can make great things.  I trust that He has not forgotten me, my prayers or my tears.  I feel His presence, beside me when I'm at this point of breaking.  But I'm still scared.  I am praying that our visit shows us clearly if things are going well or not.  Until then it's a long four days of waiting.

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd;
         I shall not want.
 ² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
         He leads me beside the still waters.
 ³ He restores my soul;
         He leads me in the paths of righteousness 
         For His name’s sake. 
         
 ⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
         I will fear no evil; 
         For You are with me; 
         Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 
         
 ⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
         You anoint my head with oil; 
         My cup runs over.
 ⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
         All the days of my life; 
         And I will dwell in the house of the LORD 
         Forever.

Week Five

I have a doctor's appointment in one week.  One whole week.  I wish that I could relax and take this all in, but instead I'm waiting with the Worst Case Scenario book in hand.  I'm truly not a pessimist, but I just don't want to get my hopes up.  I have a month of crucial weeks to get through before a celebration.  I am sad that I just don't feel different right now.  Last time I felt like I had this life in me and it was amazing.  But this time is so different.  I feel emotionally different, my body feels different, my cravings are different... It's just not the same.  I think at times I feel guilty for not automatically feeling like a mom.  I just want to know it's real before I get ahead of myself again.  I love this baby and I talk to June Bug every day.  But I'm still emotionally raw from last time.  Let's keep in mind that that was just three months and two days ago.

I'm also paranoid about everything.  EVERYTHING.  Larry came down with an awful case of the flu while at our house on Saturday and I've been cleaning ever since.  Fever scares me.  My cravings are so different and that scares me.  Weird sensations in my belly scare me.  As does one million other things scare me.  But I'm just praying that God will keep me healthy and be with this little one.  I'm praying for health, growth and a heart beat.   I cannot live in fear.  I am cautious, but my heart must be on the table or this life just is not worth it.  Deep breaths.... Lots of deep breaths...

Doctor Visit

So, we went to the doctor as already scheduled.  This round is far different since we weren't using any fertility meds.  I was fearful going into the appointment.  I was worried that perhaps things hadn't settled where they should or that the test was maybe off.  Of course the doctor assumed that we were there for the consult until the assistant pointed out that we had a positive test the day before.

The ultrasound showed a very young 4 week plus a few days baby circle.  Too small to even get a due date to calculate.  I was hoping that we would be at the five week mark, but we aren't.  In the whirlwind, we learned that it's early and less meds since we are working on our own at this point.  This is exciting.  I hate taking more meds than I have to.  But even though I'm glad to be here, there is a sense of deja vu from last time.

I have to admit that I'm having a tough time embracing this until I get passed the 7-8 week.  I want to believe that September will bring me a beautiful baby, but I don't want to be naive in light of this past year.  But I feel great.  I'm sleepy and my belly is stretching out and I'm craving more pot pies.  I feel pregnant and it's without all the meds I was relying on last time.  I'm just trying to take it easy and enjoy the time I have.  I know the risks, but I have to believe that this could finally be it.  God's been whispering things in my ear that have not made sense this whole time- until now.  So, I have no choice but to move in faith.


Next appointment on Jan. 25th and it seems a million miles away.