Hope

Yesterday we went in to the final doctor visit.  I was not sure what to expect, as we were living in a 20% ratio of hope.  With a lot of prayer and a lot of nervous energy we entered the office.  I didn't want to go to be honest.  I think I was content with guessing for another day versus learning all was lost and we'd have to start again.

The ultrasound began and within seconds there was a cheer from the doctor.  A flicker of a heartbeat was detected!  The ultrasound then malfunctioned and would not get close enough for him to really see the baby inside the gestational sac.  We then waited in the waiting room as the other machine was in use.  It made the morning long, but the conversation with Andy in between was helpful.  Even though we've been together through this ordeal, it was good to hear how he felt.  In the midst of this whole ordeal, most of our discussion on the topic has been with God and not so much with each other.

Into the next room we go.  The doctor looks and ironically enough the other machine gave a better picture.  However, we could see the heart beat which prove that we still have a viable pregnancy.  However, the heartbeat is far too irregular for 8 weeks.  Our hope now is that we found the baby right away and that we are even further behind than thought.  Chlomid is a very unpredictable drug and late ovulations would not be uncommon (nor multiple ovulations in the same cycle).  So with a heartbeat, we are going back in on Friday to revisit again.  Our percentage has gone from 20 to 50%, so it is a bit more optimistic, but still very unclear what God will do here.

If growth and size is not visible again, we will go for a second opinion as this baby may not be okay. However, if the growth occurs that is expected at late 6 to 7 weeks- we may have a "wall flower" hiding out.  By Friday we will need to see growth.  I'm praying that the flickering heartbeat is from a bashful, growing baby.