So yesterday the cramping had continued and was getting stronger. I called my doctor to request another look and then for the d&c if we can confirm the same info. They were booked so I was advised to go to the ER and have them check things out. After much waiting to finally give a sample for a bladder infection test. The midwife returned and asked if I was concerned about the baby. I said that I was and she performed another ultrasound.
After a lot of looking she told me that I was not as far along as I had thought and that the baby was 6 weeks 3 days by measurement. Although I didn't tell her much because in all actuality I wanted a second opinion, I knew this couldn't be right if we had HCG counts in the beginning of September. By that calendar I am in the 9th week. By the end I had completely confused this nurse and myself. I thought that perhaps the baby had stopped developing then and a d&c would likely be needed in the upcoming weeks to prevent infection. But the nurse was convinced that I am still pregnant, called my doctor and they ordered another ultrasound today.
I called my doctor as instructed and was put through to assistants in the office. They were unsure of much of anything, let alone what to expect. I do not know how this is supposed to go. I do not know how this baby could possibly be six weeks. I do not know how the doctor was sure enough to recommend a d&c and now feel that this pregnancy could be a viable one. And I do not know why God could not just give me the cut and dry permission to let this baby go. I'm so spent today. The appointment is in an hour. And I'm praying if this is not going to work, please give me that peace to let go. If the baby is somehow still alive, that it's ok. I'm just really lost and really need God to give me clarity, wisdom and strength to get through today.
No comments:
Post a Comment