well...

So today is day 36.  My timing shows me to be a day late.   And I've been counting down the days as the emotional overloads have been a bit much lately.  But then there are all the weird things that always accompany me.  The backaches, craving fruit and pot pies, pants aren't fitting and I'm not gaining weight, tired, and waking up sick for the New Year... So, I can't lie. I've been hopeful and I have maybe tested a little earlier... New Year's Eve I tested and nothing.  Andy has been through my suspicions so many times before that he was finally told me to stop testing until I was actually late.  And then I checked again last week before taking Nyquil for my reoccurring sinus infection/cold thing.  I couldn't help it.  I just get paranoid that finally it might happen and I'm not following the "rules."  But it was a no.  I promised myself again to not test again until I actually was late.

So yesterday came and went with little fanfare.  Braced for the emotions, today was a day to check.  While I feel fullness and weird, it can always be explained away.  I knew that the test would tell me no again and I would wail again.  The emotions have been so strong lately.  I am just grateful that I serve a God that is big enough to take them in and hold me, despite myself.  Last night at church, it was mentioned that if we leave Jesus to serve another master, we will only find death.  And so, I've embraced that He has not forgotten me and will stay near me through it.

Four drops later the test strip begins to change and a second line appears.  I am in shock.  I can't believe it.  I expected the usual no.  I wanted Andy to be the first to see, but I doubted a positive.  So, like a good scientist, I repeated the test and left to time it out and wake Andy.  Maybe it's a fluke.  Finally I got him awake to go check.

"What's it supposed to look like?  Wait.  Why are there two tests?"  he asked.  I asked him if they matched and explained that I didn't trust the first test (they were from the dollar store after all).  He then tells me they look alike.  I ran in.  He didn't really know what that meant.  Finally, I got it out and we just stared at each other.  After all the waiting and all the grief of this past year, really?


So, not believing my tests from Deals, he went to Walgreen's to get a "real" test and retest for the same results.

I called the doc and let them know that it looks like we will need an ob visit tomorrow instead of a consult.  God is so good.